Almost Lover
by Neobamboom
Summary: Logan has dreams about a certain heartache...one that he could've prevented. Logan/Marie.
1. Prologue:The Moment I Knew

_"The first boy I ever kissed...ended up in a coma for three weeks."_ she said to me, the sadness was prominent in her expression. _"I can still feel him...inside my head."_ she looked out the window and sighed. She then turns and looks at me and whispers _"and it's the same with you..."_ I then looked at her. Her face was the picture of perfection, her lips parted, hope was imbedded deep into her sad eyes. I looked away, staring at the train seat in front of me, that was when I knew. I knew that she loved me. Too bad I messed it all up, too bad I was just her _almost lover._


	2. Chapter 1:Tombstones

"What's the point anymore Chuck?" I say looking out the window, towards that sad tombstone. It always seemed to stand out. "What's the point of living...if you've lost everything?" I turn from the window and look at Charles. He is facing the crackling fire, his face is somber, he understands the pain I feel. He sighs, and then looks straight into my eyes.

"The point is...that she would want you to live. She would want you to be happy." In the dim light from the fire, I can see a single tear fall down Charles' right cheek. Even though her stay was short, he loved her like a daughter. I look back towards the window, towards the tombstone. I then slowly close my eyes, and all I can see is that beautiful face. "Logan, you should get some rest." Charles says to me as he wheels out of the room. I wait for him to leave, I then stand up and head out onto the balcony over the courtyard. I look up into the sky, the moon shines down upon me.

"Marie, darlin'...I love you, so much. I wish I could've looked into your eyes and said that." tears are now falling down my face. I fall down on my knees. Why? Why was I so stupid? I know why. Now I see it. Why was I so stupid? _Because the Wolverine can never see what is right in front of him. _That's why.

Eventually I make it back to my room, I take off my boots, strip off my socks, jeans, and shirt. I then put a pair of flannel pants on. I crawl into bed, and close my eyes. Hoping all the painful memories fade away.


	3. Chapter 2:Promises

"Logan, promise me something?" she says to me, her eyes full of love, that wonderful smile upon her face.

"Of course darlin', anything." I grabbed her around the waist and pulled her closer to me. I could smell the tangy scent of shampoo in her hair. Her eyes were concentrated on mine, as if she was looking into my soul. She gave me that look, full of beauty and youth, her lips parted just the slightest bit. Her hair framing her face like that of a picture. God she was beautiful.

"Promise me that you'll _always protect me_" her face is stern and serious, but at the same time, there's a sense of helplessness. I'd seen that helpless plea from her before, that wintry evening when we first met and a million times since then. I brush a strand of white hair behind her ear.

"I promise." I told her without a second thought. I meant it. I really did. She continued to look at me with those beautiful eyes, only now…she was reading me. She was looking for any sign that I was lying. I don't blame her for doing so. She had so many others take advantage of her in the past. I move her hair closer to her cheeks, then put my hands on top of them. Thankfully her hair was a good barrier from her deadly skin. "Marie, I promise that I will protect you. I mean it. You'll never get hurt. _Ever." _

She looks away for a moment, deep in contemplation. She then puts her arms around my neck. I love the feeling of her soft black gloves against my skin. I feel her head now resting on my shoulder.

"Logan, I hope that you're right." Its not until now that I realize what she really meant by that.


	4. Chapter 3:A Helping Hand

I awoke suddenly, my eyes flinging themselves open. I was covered in a cold sweat. _That dream….why always that dream?_ I thought to myself, but then I realized something. _ That was never a dream, I really did say that to her. Not only that I had meant it!_ I swung my legs over the side of the bed and placed them on the cold hard wood floor. I then leaned forward, my elbow resting on my knee, and my hand holding my head like a catchers mitt held a ball. I replayed those memories in my head, the way she had looked, she had smelled, the way she made his heart skip a beat.

Then came the darker memories, the ones from the most recent past. Her death. I grunted. _Don't think about that you idiot, don't do it._ To late, I had been right there when it had happened, I was so close to her, I could've done something. I tensed. My fists were in tight balls and I was slowly turning to the other side. I was turning into the _Wolverine._

"Logan?" a soft voice said from my doorway. Logan looked up to see Jean, she was in a pair of pajama shorts, and a long button-up shirt, and no doubt it was Scott's. She looked concerned. Not that it wasn't normal for Jean to be concerned, it was her nature. Quickly assessing the situation, Jean ran over to Logan, and placed her hands near my temples. "Logan!" She said sternly "Logan please listen to me! You can get through this! Don't let the animal take over Logan!" she struggled with me, using her powers to calm my mind.

Slowly I progressed farther and farther away from turning to the animal side of myself. I took a deep breath, letting the oxygen set in my lungs for a few moments before I exhaled. Jean had set herself next to me on the bed. Thankfully none of the others had awakened, that was the last thing I needed. Jean was the only other person than Chuck that I really trusted. She put her hand on my back, and I continued to take deep breaths. She said nothing; she knew that I just needed to calm down a bit more.

"Jean" is said softly. She put a single finger on my lips. Signaling me not to speak. She then turned my body towards hers, and placed one hand upon my right cheek. Her eyes were full of worry, full of the need to help me. We both knew thought that there wasn't much that could be fixed. As I looked at her concerned face I felt a strange presence in the room. It felt so much like Marie, and for one fleeting moment I thought I smelled the scent of her tangy shampoo. Jean sensed what I was feeling.

"She will never leave you Logan." She smiled "don't ever forget that." With this she stood up, ran her fingers through my hair, smiled and headed for the door. She stopped just as she reached for the doorknob. She then looked back at me, the most loving look on her face. One of a mother concerned for a son. "Don't ever hesitate to talk to me about her, or anything Logan. I'm always here for you." She then turned and left the room.


	5. Chapter 4:The Animal

I looked at the closed door for a few moments, contemplating. _Should I really take her up on that offer?_ I thought to myself. _No. What does she know? She's never felt such a pain before._ This pain I was feeling was deeper than losing someone to a puppy dog romance. This was the type of pain that you could physically _feel._ The kind that at any given moment could hit you from the side and knock you off your feet.

I couldn't stand being in that house a moment longer. I quickly threw my clothes from the day before on, pulled on my biker boots and jacket, and headed for my bedroom door. I reached for my keys on the dresser next to the door, that's where I saw them. Those damned dog tags. She had given them to me, not long before she had died. Even though the smell of metal was prominent on them, I could smell her beautiful scent. I grabbed them, and held them to my nose. I let that sweet and succulent scent flow through me. I closed my eyes and I saw her that day on the train. I saw the desperation in her eyes, the need for my love, the love that I felt for her, but never truly gave her. It's what she had really needed her entire life, and I the one person she truly wanted it from, was to stupid give it to her. Why? Because of my wretched _pride._ Because the _Wolverine_ doesn't show his feelings. I broke that beautiful soul without a second glance. I tore that beautiful creature apart.

Now angry with myself, I put the tags around my neck, grabbed my keys and headed towards the door. I didn't care if I awoke anyone up; I just needed to get out of this house. I swiftly head for the garage, my anger rising, the _animal_ rising. Who gave a damn if I was about to turn into the Wolverine? Most of the people here hated my guts. I jumped onto the bike; it sunk low on its shocks from the weight of the adamantium in my body. I then reached into my coat pocket, grabbed a Cuban cigar and my lighter. I stuck the cigar between my teeth, flicked a flame out of the lighter. After I took a drag from the cigar I started the engine to my bike. It roared viciously.

As I got onto a deserted highway I let my animal instincts take over. I could hear everything in the surrounding forest. I could smell the heard of deer nearby grazing. The wind through my hair was a wonderful feeling. The animal had almost completely taken over, and it felt _good. _

I saw a pull off ahead on the road, next to a forest trail. I decided I would burn some energy running. I pulled off of the road, and climbed off the bike. The smell of the forest always brought a familiar feeling to me. Not that I could remember why I felt it. The morning sun was steadily rising, which added elegant shadows across the ground as it protruded through the trees. I walked into a small patch of light, and let the heat seep into my skin. I inhaled the sweet forest air.

Suddenly I had the urge, the urge to run free in the woods. I heard the sound of a wolf pack near. Their persistent howls were inviting. It was then that the animal completely over took me. I ripped my jacket off, then my boots. I let out a low snarl, and quickly released my claws. I loved the smell they let off, warm adamantium.

I heard the leader of the pack howl, calling me to them once more, I ran towards the smell, towards the sound of them. Marie was the last thing on my mind at this point. The only thing I wanted was to run with creatures with instincts like me. I wanted to find something and simply kill it. I wanted to become the animal and never go back to the pain.


	6. Chapter 5:The Doe

As I ran with the pack, I felt free. Free from the memories of Marie, free from Jean's persistence on making me feel better, free from trying to just be _Logan._ This was who I _really _was. This was who I was meant to be since the day I was born. I wasn't meant to live in confinement, especially not the invisible confinement Xavier had put me in. You can't cage the _Wolverine_. You. Just. Can't. No matter how hard you try it will find a way out, find a way to the _surface._

We continued to run, the dirt was soft under my bare feet. The mountain breeze swept through my hair. I then smelled a deer; it wasn't far from where we were. I stopped dead in my tracks. The pack followed suit. I closed my eyes, and let the smell of the deer find me. It took me only a few moments to find the direction it was in, north. I let out a low growl, signaling the pack to follow me. We quietly headed in the direction of the deer.

It only took about ten minutes to find it. It was a young doe. She was grazing in a small meadow, her back to the pack and I. We waited there for a few moments, looking an opening before we attacked. Head on. We came at her from all sides, and I was positioning myself for the killing blow. She was a strong one, but eventually the wolves pinned her down, allowing me to finish her. I took my right hand, claws out, and drove them straight into the doe's heart. She convulsed for a few moments, and then with one last gasp for air…she was gone.

The animal was at its peak, and it flowed like a river through my body. I let out an accomplished growl. The wolves howled wickedly with me. I then looked down at the dead animal beneath me. Only, instead of a doe, I saw Marie. I saw her broken body, lying in a pool of her own _blood_. I saw fresh tears upon her face, falling from fearful eyes. I sank to my knees. _What have I done?_ I thought to myself. _What have I done?_

Those words continued to play over and over again in my mind. Tears were flowing from my eyes. I was breathing heavily, my hands clenched. This was Marie had been, she had been just a harmless doe, murdered at the hand of a _monster_.

I hunched over, my face inches away from the doe's face. I grabbed the doe by the head, and stroked its muzzle with my thumbs. Its velvety fur reminded me of Marie's long black gloves. I wept tears of the deepest sorrow.

The wolves felt my pain, and tried to make me feel better. They licked my arms and whimpered. After a few moments I stood up, scooping the doe into my arms. The wolves did not pounce at the carcass. They knew what I wanted to do with it.

The pack and I walked to where the doe had been grazing earlier. It was a sunny spot with lots of succulent plants to be eaten. I placed the doe next to a small patch of wild sunflowers. Marie's favorite. Even up to the day she died, Marie had always kept a small vase full next to her bed. They were simple, but elegant, just like her.

I gently placed to doe next to the sunflowers. It was beautiful, even in death. I kneeled down, and carefully closed its eyes. As I went to stand back up, I ran my fingers slowly down its muzzle, remembering how Marie's black gloves felt.


End file.
